" i wonder if i've been changed in the night? let me think. was i the same when i got up this morning? i almost think i can remember feeling a little different. but if i'm not the same, the next question is 'who in the world am i?' ah, that's the great puzzle! "
(lewis carroll, alice's adventures in wonderland)
..
i slow down the time.
my body forces me to look at my soul.
i look at what i am
with open eyes.
i won't spend lose (any)more time forgetting, when forgetting will bring me nothing.
despite the pain of going without leaving a box, some water, a glass globe.
i smile at life.
to all that, in it, is truth and justice.
i remember what i want.
what i love.
and i move on.
never_the_less.
slowly.
without running.
without running anymore.
without running unless i want to feel on my body the wind that brings me life and soul and sea.
knowing, alone and deep down, that when i fly there is so much, so much lulling me...
...
" 'everything's got a moral, if only you can find it'. and she squeezed herself up closer to alice's side as she spoke. "
(lewis carroll, alice's adventures in wonderland)
(first image: day will come, by haleh bryan last image by gundega dege)
there were numerous days of distance between us, lives we lived apart, all the things we didn't share, the pains, the walls, the joys, the victories, missing what we once were, the pride-sometimes-shame of what we became, what we are in this present of one more day.
the one today.
where i shape my departure from you.
(when dream is gone, haleh bryan)
it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
if you don't know by now
an' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
it'll never do somehow
when your rooster crows at the break of dawn
look out your window and i'll be gone
you're the reason i'm trav'lin' on
...
don't think twice, it's all right
it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
that light i never knowed
an' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
i'm on the dark side of the road
i wish there was somethin' you would do or say
to try and make me change my mind and stay
we never did too much talkin' anyway
...
so don't think twice, it's all right
i pack the life i was here to open it somewhere else, in another space, my own, where i'll live with open doors, letting in the air and the others, the music that reaches the silence within, that makes it sing, gently wakes me up, sets me free, slowly returns me to the feeling inside.
...
on that other part of me, i still hold on to what i don't have or know.
and i don't ever let you die in my dreams.
..
you only die in this everything this life this being of every instant.
you die in me
only
everyday.
...
it ain't no use in callin' out my name, boy
like you never done before
it ain't no use in callin' out my name, boy
i can't hear you any more
i'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin' down the road
i once loved a man, a child i'm told
i gave him my heart but he wanted my soul
...
don't think twice, it's all right
so long,
honey babe
where i'm bound, i can't tell
goodbye's too good a word, babe
so i'll just say fare thee well
i ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
you could have done better but i don't mind
you just kinda wasted my precious time
...
but don't think twice, it's all right
.
(aditional images by cig harvey, katia chausheva and noronha da costa poem: adaptation of don't think twice, it's all right, by bob dylan)
"why is it that we, the great majority of the people, and even the intellectuals, did not realize that this was the beginning of a new dictatorship, even bloodier that the previous one? perhaps we did realize it, but the enthusiasm of knowing that now one was part of a revolution, that a dictatorship has been overthrown and the time had come for vengeance, outweighed the injustices and the crimes that were being committed. not only were injustices being inflicted; the executions were being conducted in the name of justice and freedom, and above all, in the name of the people.."
"what sort of diary should i like mine to be?... something loose knit and yet not slovenly, so elastic that it will embrace any thing, solemn, slight or beautiful that comes into my mind. i should like it to resemble some deep old desk, or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through. i should like to come back, after a year or two, and find that the collection had sorted itself and refined itself and coalessed - as such deposits so misteriously do - into a mould, transparent enough to reflect the light of our life."
(virginia woolf, a writer's diary)
...
"this diary is my kief, hashish and opium pipe. this is my drug and my vice."
(anaïs nin)
...
thank you to those who generously share it with me.
it's like falling knowing there's nothing below...
i look down (again) and see the crude darkness of the certainty of nothing at all, a dazzled rock that now fears the sea...
yet nevertheless:
hand in hand, i go.
i fall as if flying, deepened with balance and happiness, as my body stops being my own or ours: we leave that weight behind and love as if resting from life, sometimes from ourselves, we tattoo our hands with sand in nights full of moon and giving - the blood pulsing, the water being born.
we love with the fury of fear, the unfair certainty of love, so much less than life...
and we love in flight.
we love in vain.
for no safe refuge for this flight.
and all is dreams, after all.
open wings,
body,
fall(ing).
without knowing.
feeling the acute silence of falling alone.
.
(silence, bogdan zwir)
- my castrated wing...
when did you choose, in land, to be water, flipper and sea?
