they talk of cuba...

and i think of reynaldo*:



"why is it that we, the great majority of the people, and even the intellectuals, did not realize that this was the beginning of a new dictatorship, even bloodier that the previous one? perhaps we did realize it, but the enthusiasm of knowing that now one was part of a revolution, that a dictatorship has been overthrown and the time had come for vengeance, outweighed the injustices and the crimes that were being committed.
not only were injustices being inflicted; the executions were being conducted in the name of justice and freedom, and above all, in the name of the people.."

(*reynaldo arenas, before night falls)































(the scream, edvard munch)













.....



















you cannot shake hands
with a clenched fist.


(indira gandhi)











.

touched

.
adj.
emotionally affected; moved.
.















"what sort of diary should i like mine to be?...
something loose knit and yet not slovenly, so elastic that it will embrace any thing, solemn, slight or beautiful that comes into my mind.
i should like it to resemble some deep old desk, or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through.
i should like to come back, after a year or two, and find that the collection had sorted itself and refined itself and coalessed - as such deposits so misteriously do - into a mould, transparent enough to reflect the light of our life."

(virginia woolf, a writer's diary)

...














"this diary is my kief, hashish and opium pipe.
this is my drug and my vice."

(anaïs nin)

...








thank you to those who
generously
share it with me.













for the kindness,










the presence,










the giving.

































(sky and water, m. c. escher)

...

"afin de ne pas vous blesser"

it's like falling knowing there's nothing below...



i look down (again) and see the crude darkness of the certainty of nothing at all,
a dazzled rock that now fears the sea...




yet nevertheless:


hand in hand, i go.



i fall as if flying, deepened with balance and happiness, as my body stops being my own or ours: we leave that weight behind and love as if resting from life, sometimes from ourselves,
we tattoo our hands with sand in nights full of moon and giving
- the blood pulsing,
the water being born.


we love with the fury of fear,
the unfair certainty of love,
so much less than life...


and we love in flight.

we love in vain.


for no safe refuge for this flight.

and all is dreams, after all.









open wings,










body,










fall(ing).























without knowing.



















feeling
the acute
silence
of falling
alone.















.














(silence, bogdan zwir)
























- my castrated wing...


when did you choose, in land,
to be water, flipper and sea?











































(reunited with her thoughts, haleh bryan)
















...











(imagem primeira, portrait, de haleh bryan)

missing

...











there are days when i could












simply















cry for you.

in darkened silence

..



















*" - is he dead, mama?






- i think so,
sweetheart...















- can we wish
for him to come back?






- yeah.


















...























- i wish.
















































...



























- i wish, too. " *























...
































(*from the film e.t., the extraterrestrial)
(picture from light of life, by de es)

(en)chanted transparency

i opened his drawn window:


in each curtain a seashell

in each image
my worded life




i looked out,


saw him seeing me within


and thought







how can one who does not know me by heart

know the colours it is made of?



..



























(ruela, in a seashell)














....


























(because i don't know,
i really don't know
the words to.




















....























thank you.)

constant loop

i warm up beyond the past
that cuts
still
blind in itself


i release me from myself
my own ghosts
in still life



even if i hurt
scratch
burn
mislead
myself





..


i try
to get up
from myself



and i do
i feel
i sing
mine
again
their words

..






























" lift me up on my honour
take me over this spell
get this weight off my shoulders
- i’ve carried it well

loose these shackles of pressure
shake me out of these chains
lead me not to temptation



hold my hand harder
ease my mind
roll down the smoke screen
and open the sky

















* let me fly *





- man, i need a release from
this troublesome mind
fix my feet when they’re stumbling
and where you know it hurts sometimes
you know it’s gonna bleed sometimes

(haleh bryan, can't wait forever)

dig me out from this thorn tree
help me bury my shame
keep my eyes from the fire
they can’t handle the flame

grace cut out from my brothers
when most of them fell
i carried it well














* let me fly *






man, i need a release from
this troublesome mind
fix my feet when they’re stumbling
i guess you know it hurts sometimes
you know it’s gonna bleed sometimes

now hold on
- i’m not looking for sweet talk
i’m looking for time
time for tower and sleep walk
brother, cause it hurts sometimes
you know it’s gonna bleed sometimes
hold on

you know its gonna hurt sometimes...

when you call me...

hold on...

hold on...

hold on...






i’m gonna climb that symphony home
and make it mine

let his resonance light my way

see, all these pessimistic sufferers
tend to drag me down

so i could use it to shelter what good i’ve found "

















....





















(haley bryan, towards the light)


















..






















(first picture: haleh bryan.
pictures on slideshow: auguria, bjorn tagemose, cole rise, f.n.terryan, floriana barbu, yatsutani taizo, banksy, zack garner, lovisa ringborg and michael vesen)